Which One Comes First: Feeling or Thought?

Most people confuse feelings and thoughts… Let’s play a quick game and see if you’re one of them.

“I think I will screw up the presentation tomorrow because I am an awkward person.” These are two thoughts.

“I feel anxious, which means I will probably screw up the presentation tomorrow.” One feeling, one thought.

“I feel anxious because I’m nervous.” Two feelings.

Distinguishing our feelings from our thoughts is not something that comes automatically to us—especially if you are an absent-minded individual.

We know that our feelings are often the direct result of how we think about an event. In other words, our interpretation is heavily responsible for how we feel. If our thinking is flawed—for instance, if we lean into a cynical, “glass-half-empty” view of the world—it becomes a massive contributor to feeling down, low, and depressed.

A Quick Definition of Terms

To get on the same page, let’s break down the basics:

• Thoughts: The product of cognitive thinking and mental processing.
• Feelings: How we subjectively experience emotion inside our bodies and hearts.
• Emotions: Automatic, instinctual reactions in our mind and body to external events.
• Behaviors: The physical actions we take.

When we find ourselves overwhelmed by our feelings, labeling the emotion (sad, anxious, angry) is a crucial first step. But it is equally important to pause and ask yourself: “What am I saying to myself that is making me feel this way?”

The Connection in Action

A helpful way to map this out is by completing this simple sentence:

I feel [X] because I think [Y].

For example: “I feel sad because I think my friends don’t like me.” (A thought that occurred after seeing an Instagram post of them hanging out without you).

Feeling sad in that scenario is completely understandable! However, our goal here is simply to recognize the invisible thread connecting the thought to the feeling. Someone else might see that exact same post and think—and mind you, this is rare—“Oh, that looks like fun! I’m going to reach out and plan a dinner for next weekend.”

Reaching that level of perspective takes a high dose of maturity, confidence, self-regulation, and emotional awareness. But the good news? It is absolutely possible! When we change the way we interpret events, we literally protect our precious hearts. You have the power to choose whether to be kind to yourself, or… not.

“We can have thoughts about our feelings, but feelings themselves are not thoughts.” — Robert L. Leahy

In therapy—or any truly empathetic conversation—we never tell someone, “What you are feeling is wrong.” We don’t shame or judge them for their emotions, because we know three fundamental truths:

1. Feelings are not facts.
2. Every person has the right to feel however they feel.
3. Feelings are not forever.

We don’t argue with why someone is feeling a certain way. Instead, we look at the thoughts that invited that feeling into the room.

Conclusion: The Chicken or the Egg?

So, which actually comes first: the feeling or the thought? Scientifically, it’s a bit of a loop—an external trigger sparks an instantaneous bodily emotion, our brain quickly manufactures a thought to make sense of it, and that thought ultimately dictates the deep feeling we sit with. But in the theater of our daily lives, thought is the director. While you cannot always stop an automatic emotional wave from hitting you, you can control the narrative you build around it. By untangling our thoughts from our feelings, we reclaim our power. You don’t have to be a prisoner to your first reaction; by changing the story you tell yourself, you can ultimately change how you feel.

Keep in mind, when it comes to thinking and feeling, there are plenty of theories that you can choose from. But because we are not all neuroscientists and we don’t need to be, we’re going to go with what they call a “Cognitive Appraisal” theory of emotion. This theory simply states that our feelings aren’t caused by an event itself, but by how our brain interprets what that event means for us. Try it for yourself the next time you feel a feeling, trace it back to the emotion, and have a guess at the trigger, and then the thought that turned the emotion to a feeling. Maybe then you could understand yourself better… maybe then you could change the story to a kind one.